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On Writing

 Writing is a funny thing. It is truly an art - being able to describe how you feel in a way that is not only accurate but interesting and with style. I don't feel quite equip often - like my words aren't exactly what I want them to be but I try not to let that stop me from writing. I tend to have thoughts fly through my head that make me think "I should write about that." Sometimes the thought leaves my brain and I move on with life. Other times the thought sticks in there. It almost pings around in my brain, going from the forefront of my thoughts then back into my subconcience and then pings back out to the foreground again as if it isn't leaving my brain because I need to chew on it for longer. And often I chew on it by writing about it. I am not a 'sit peacefully and ponder in silence' person. My thumbs like to twiddle, my knee likes to bounce, and I oft can't sit still if there is unfinished chores in my immediate surroundings. 

My best thoughts frequently occur when I drive myself somewhere alone - when I am forced to sit and do only one mindless task alone (with a radio of course.) In the same way writing forces me to sit, with fingers moving, and just think. I would describe my writing as raw, simple, and pointing to truth and maybe even too much of a "word vomit" theme is strung throughout these blog posts. But it is an outlet to say it simply. An outlet for me to lean into my heart and sit in it - to reflect, to ask God to work, to ask God to change my heart. Sometimes I don't share it. Sometimes it feels right to share. Often, I walk away feeling a little lighter. Feeling like I put those thoughts on paper and it helped me through them and I can move onward. 

There are many blog posts I could write - about Jack, about pregnancy with a CHD diagnosis, about our hospital stay, about grief and loss, about living in Africa, about dietitian stuff. But often those are big broad topics that feel intimidating, not the mundane day to day that is pressing on my heart and mind. Thinking about biting off a big topic like any that I just listed feels like a research project that the teacher said has to be at least 20 pages (and let me tell you that in my BS at JMU, I never wrote anything longer than 10.) 

I don't know why I am sharing this - maybe to say this: whatever it is that lets you just feel, that gives you the space to sit and reflect and let God work on you, do that thing. It is important. It is part of your story. It is shaping you. 

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