Shickel Family

Grief - Sept 13 It’s been 4 weeks (tomorrow) since Jack passed away, and 9 weeks since he was born. There is an itch inside me to write down how I am feeling. At the same time there are ugly feelings about writing. Just with every other part of grief - it feels like a “both and neither” situation. Writing would help me process. But writing also makes it real. Makes it stick. Makes it feel permanent in a way I don’t want.  In an effort to step into grief, actively, I am writing. But be warned - this is not sugar coated, I am not yet to the place of being able to say "God did so much good from such a hard thing..."  I recently was gifted and read the first chapter of “A Grief Observed” from CS Lewis. He wrote this after his wife passed away from cancer - a wife he married when she was admitted to the hospital, a wife he knew would likely succumb to the terrible disease soon. And he hits the nail on the head SO. MANY. TIMES. when he describes what he is feeling.  I lost my son.